Loving as a Habit

Those who explore the skill of lucid dreaming sometimes ask themselves throughout the day, “Am I dreaming?” and then search for visual cues (such as text which can be read multiple times without changing or morphing). As they develop this habit in waking life, it carries over into their dreams, at which point they can awaken their mind while their body stays asleep.

Love can also be a skill, or a habit if that seems a more sensible word to you. Instead of asking, “Am I loving?” you can ask yourself, “How much am I loving right now?” And if this seems a little absurd, don’t worry. Though it may seem difficult at first to find something to love in every single moment of the day, it’s really not hard. Does your job involve working with people? If so, the question is a good gauge of how you are interacting with them. Do you work alone? If so, what work are you doing? Is it work you do out of love for someone, or for a group, a place, a species, an idea? How much are you loving yourself in that moment?

Of course, as with discerning states of wakefulness, asking the question is only half the point. In this case the other half is not to test how much you are loving by looking for cues (there aren’t any – the answer will come to you intuitively), but on acting as is determined by the answer.

Which brings me to my second important point: Acts of love are choices. And choices can become habits. If we ask the question “How much am I loving right now?” and find the answer to be “Less than I feel is good” (note the word “feel” and not “think” – feelings most often come intuitively, without thinking), then we can make habits out of following that answer with an act of love. All it takes is enough intention to set your body moving to do whatever that act may be.

Acts of love are possible in any and all situations, anywhere and everywhere. If you’re not sure what an act of love might be in your current situation, keep listening to your intuition. It will come to you.

In short, it’s a three step process: 1. Ask how much you are loving in this moment. 2. Listen intuitively for the answer. 3. Make an act of love.

Do this enough, and you have yourself a habit. In fact, you have possibly the best habit you can ever develop, in my very limited and subjective opinion.

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4 Responses to Loving as a Habit

  1. Pingback: There’s No “One Right Way” to Think about Love | Accelerate Compassion

  2. Pingback: How Can We, as Finite Beings, Love Infinitely? | Accelerate Compassion

  3. Pingback: Responding to Violence with Compassion | Accelerate Compassion

  4. Pingback: On Loving Enemies | Accelerate Compassion

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